Over the last few months I've been working up to making a major decision.
It kept popping its head up and I've largely been suppressing it - continuing on a path that wasn't working just to avoid a glorious risk.
And then it was all about to fall apart. All of the tiny neat stitches holding it all together started to come loose.
I was dropped into quiet and darkness and the spectre of a decision.
I've been quiet on this blog as I have been in my day to day life, allowing thoughts to silently, slowly wash over me without outside influences or editing.
Image credit: Nowhere by J. Star
As I allowed myself to venture into the quiet I found a different self. A self unafraid of quiet, unafraid of slow. A self prepared to be raw and exposed in a more genuine way.
I doubt I'm the only one who took advantage of fast-paced life and noise and chaos to avoid true reflection and self-understanding.
Nor am I the first to realise I was hiding behind urgency and using lack of time as a crutch for lack of guts.
Image credit: Sometimes the smallest touch is enough
Interestingly as I allow myself to accept my real self, I've got to know others better too. I've discovered that many of my friends have amazing skills and talents that I hadn't even begun to recognise before.
Over the next few weeks I'll tell you more about my own new direction and will also introduce you to some of my supremely talented friends.
I'm looking forward to hearing your stories too - please post your thoughts in the comments, or send them to me privately if you prefer.
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Oh my, your words resonate with me. I am fed up with my nonexistant work/life balance and am holding my breath, taking my time, squirreling away my money and soon enough I'm going to take that risk, turn my life upside down - strike out on my own.
Rejecting the traditional 9-5 is difficult. Too often we are expected to explain why an alternate lifestyle is acceptable. Sometimes it just is.
.-= lili - pikelet&pie´s last blog ..The great pork roast extravaganza =-.
"A self prepared to be raw and exposed in a more genuine way." This takes real courage.
I'm looking forward very much to hearing more about your new direction and new journey.
.-= Tess´s last blog ..Are we too polite? =-.
I appreciate this new angle for your blog and look forward to reading more. I feel you when you say that you "took advantage of fast-paced life and noise and chaos to avoid true reflection and self-understanding" sometimes it's just easier to lose yourself in all of that rather than face what's real. Thank you for sharing this and for what's to come.
In the spirit of the new direction of your blog (and also b/c I've liked what you did before) I tagged you in my blog! check it out!
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..A Place Like No Other. =-.
Hi Rachel,
I love your honesty and openness in this post. I love the way you say you've been avoiding a "glorious risk" and how suppressing what is meant to be is really not possible... it continues to come back.
When we are living a life in alignment with our values, everything seems to feel right. When we are not, many of us fall back to rushing around and filling the space with "stuff". Stuff that does not interest us, stuff that exhausts us even.
I recently left a corporate job after 15 years to follow my dream of coaching and leadership development. I resisted it for a long time because it was risky, gloriously risky. The focus is now on the glorious. I'm happier than ever before, I have no idea where my next month's money is coming from and I still have bills to pay. Now I trust in myself much more, trust that work will come my way when I most need it and when I am allowing it to unfold instead of forcing it. And it is!
Go for it Rachel. Do what makes your heart sing. I look forward to hearing how it unfolds for you.
.-= Jude´s last blog ..Quieten the mind =-.
Hi Rachel
I'm curious to see what these changes entail. Good luck with it.. allowing your real self to shine through can only be a positive thing!
Also, just letting you know I've nominated you for an award... details can be found on my blog
.-= Conor´s last blog ..Hot dog! I'm a kreativ weiner! =-.
This was such a beautiful blog to read. You describe exactly what I went through earlier this year.
I worked too hard, never said no to anyone, and tried to please everyone but myself. The result - I ended up in hospital. My body was screaming Slow Down.
I really needed to find who I was, not what other people in my life thought I should be.
I started my adventure by shopping for a completely new wardrobe. Unlike you sitting quietly, I went kind of crazy and shopped all day for 2 weeks. I bought styles of clothes that I never would normally buy, and plenty that I shouldn't have bought. I worked out quickly I don't suit bohemian.
After working through what was my style with clothes, I started to review every aspect and relationship in my life. I picked up this book one day that really helped me. I must tell you that I never take the time to read books but through unusual circumstances this book was placed before me and I actually started to read it. It was as if somebody was helping me sort through things. The book is called The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
I have changed the quantity and even the way I work, I have made significant changes in relationships, I don't wear Bohemian clothes and I know exactly who I am. It was a strange journey but empowering.
Good luck with your journey.
Hey since u hv a blog. Hehe. U might wanna check http://www.ozbloggers.com. It's new & expanding
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What a teaser! I am curious to see what this is all about. And yes, I think many people can relate to keeping themselves busy and sped up in order to avoid dealing with life.
oh gosh, i can soooo relate!
to lili (wondering if you'll ever see this), i resigned from my 9-5 bleh of a job at the end of jan. finally took the plunge. in a rather uncomfortable place at the moment but i know in my heart it was the right decision so i'm not going to let myself go back. time to step out and dream...or rather pursue the dream.