It kept popping its head up and I've largely been suppressing it - continuing on a path that wasn't working just to avoid a glorious risk.
And then it was all about to fall apart. All of the tiny neat stitches holding it all together started to come loose.
I was dropped into quiet and darkness and the spectre of a decision.
I've been quiet on this blog as I have been in my day to day life, allowing thoughts to silently, slowly wash over me without outside influences or editing.
Image credit: Nowhere by J. Star
As I allowed myself to venture into the quiet I found a different self. A self unafraid of quiet, unafraid of slow. A self prepared to be raw and exposed in a more genuine way.
I doubt I'm the only one who took advantage of fast-paced life and noise and chaos to avoid true reflection and self-understanding.
Nor am I the first to realise I was hiding behind urgency and using lack of time as a crutch for lack of guts.
Image credit: Sometimes the smallest touch is enough
Interestingly as I allow myself to accept my real self, I've got to know others better too. I've discovered that many of my friends have amazing skills and talents that I hadn't even begun to recognise before.
Over the next few weeks I'll tell you more about my own new direction and will also introduce you to some of my supremely talented friends.
I'm looking forward to hearing your stories too - please post your thoughts in the comments, or send them to me privately if you prefer.
Related posts:
]]>I read enough zen and life management blogs to know it really should be easy - do what you love and what is important to you.
Doing it all?
But what if you're a greedy Gen Y who wants it all?
Perhaps, just perhaps, having
- a stimulating, challenging career;
- health (including a healthy weight) and fitness without gyms, sacrifice or monotony;
- quality and quantity time with food, wine and the people I love;
- a conscious, sustainable, environmentally friendly lifestyle;
- being a domestic goddess (or something remotely resembling that); and
- contributing to society in a positive way;
all at once, really is impossible?
Life balance in 140 characters or less
I asked some of my friends on twitter to tell me how they created and maintained life balance. I'd like to share some of those ideas and comments with you.
sunili, who is what you could conservatively call a crazy brilliant high-achieving Gen Y (read all about it at de minimis ago curat blog) told me:
I don't but I try...
Oddly, it is rather reassuring to see that I'm not the only one struggling with this. Personally I think she's doing a pretty good job of managing her career and living in accordance with her ideals and convictions.
photo credit: justice is blind
I also got some practical advice from frank_in_oz:
I work my butt off 10 months of the year and have 2 months off for short breaks - hiking, travel, camping. Goal - work 6 mths
Frank is the consummate active traveller and outdoor lover and has hiked in some absolutely breathtaking places, including some of my favourite parts of the world.
This is great advice if you can swing it. My heart leaps at the thought of that much travel. But. What if the 10-month work cram is just too hard, or just not possible? My husband and I are in the stage of our careers where taking this sort of time off work each year is all but impossible.
photo credit: dove lake
Balance is the level of compromise you can live with.
Sage advice from hazelblackberry who proves you can do anything after a Bex and a Good Lie Down. I really think this is key.
photo credit: fruit balance
Via a tweet from tessgiles who blogs at Anchors and Masts I discovered Magpie Girl's Do Less Campaign. Magpie Girl reminds us that sometimes, it just isn't possible to do it all and we just have to do less. The campaign officially starts tomorrow, Friday 15 May and will be a step-by-step approach to doing less and feel better.
So if you're feeling like the balance just isn't happening, you might want to head over to Magpie Girl's blog to take a look.
Alternatively you could try what has been my strategy to date - try to do everything, over-commit, collapse in a heap and then fail at everything.
Related posts:
]]>My exercise philosophy has always been no. Too hard, too boring, too sweat inducing, just no. Until that horrid turning point in my life when my previously fast metabolism decided to be as lazy as I am. All of a sudden I started putting on weight. And it didn't come off.
While I'm modifying my eating to be more healthy, even I have to admit that being active has to be part of the bargain.
A way to a healthy life by Abdullah AL-Naser
I considered a number of options for introducing exercise into my life. Despite the fact that I can't see the logic in working more hours to be able to afford more things to save ourselves time and effort and then paying to exert ourselves, I was even prepared to invest some money in my future health and fitness.
Swimming at the local pool
Good:
- I'm not completely hopeless at it
- Not expensive
- Easy to get to
Not so good:
- Crowded swimming lanes
- Being seen in my bathing suit
- Poo in the pool
Gym near home
Good:
- Not pretentious: low number of posers
- Not ridiculously expensive
- Easy to get to
- My husband and some friends go there
Not so good:
- Gym equipment confuses me
- My husband and some friends go there
- I'd have to get up before 6:00am
Gym near work
Good:
- I could go immediately before or after work, or during lunch
- Lots of nice equipment
- Great, encouraging staff who will show me not to look like an idiot
Not so good:
- Sweaty gym hair at work (ew) or wet hair for the rest of the day (it takes two hairdressers a long time to blow-dry my hair)
- I'd have to take gym gear/makeup/work clothes on the bus to and from work
Jogging or running by myself
Good:
- Fresh air
- Can do it anywhere
- Free!
Not so good:
- How would I stay focussed?
- I have no idea what I'm doing
As tempted as I am to say that the above lists prove that exercise is no good, I did some more research.
Lazy Cat by dougww
I found out about the Couch to 5K program. The program was designed by Cool Running and involves, um, running. The program is a gradual one, progressing from couch level fitness (which is where I'm sitting right now) to being able to run 5 kilometres. At once. Without stopping. It takes about 2 months to get to that point (although depending on fitness level it can be slowed down a bit) and involves a three day a week commitment.
The Couch to 5K website gives you a handy guide for how to progress your running. There is a schedule (I like schedules) prescribing what to do on each run. This solves my problem of not knowing what to do or how to do it.
To keep up the motivation and to make it easy, Robert Ullrey has made a series of podcasts for the program, incorporating music and directions on when to run and slow down during the workout. I found my husband's old ipod and was able to easily load them all on.
To top it all off, you don't have to pay a cent for the program or the podcasts. It is all provided free from the goodness of peoples' hearts. I figure if they're going to do all this to help me get fit and healthy the least I can do is get on with it.
So I checked with my doctor, (which is a very good idea if you're starting a new fitness program, particularly if you have medical conditions, are overweight, over 40 or just hopeless like me) and with her approval I've gotten off the couch.
What you need to start
- Couch to 5K program
- Couch to 5K podcasts
- An ipod, mp3 player or mobile phone that can play mp3s
- 45 minutes, 3 times a week
- Properly fitted running shoes
- Health check-up with your doctor
I'm now at week one - which means we can do it together if you'd like to join me. I'd also like to know what fitness and exercise you prefer and what your health goals are - tell me in the comments below.
Related posts:
]]>Those feelings are normal for many but they're not constructive. Bashing yourself over the head with a sugary stick, no matter how delicious, is not going to motivate you.
photo credit: Christi Nielsen
I weighed myself today for the first time in a long time. I have to admit to an "oh shit" moment and bashing the scales about a bit (just to make sure they were operating properly, you understand).
However, I've decided that I'm not going to cut out the food I love, I'm going to cut out the guilt. Today is the first day of an awesome attitude to food. Eating for pleasure, not sorrow, eating for sustenance, not boredom and enjoying every minute of it.
I have a lifetime of fabulous food ahead of me - I'm not going to waste it on rubbish. Scott from Life Spotlight wrote The Zen of Real Food: Keeping Eating Simple over at Zen Habits and I think this concept is key. You can't go wrong eating fresh, whole foods. Is this perhaps the easiest diet in the world?
I am going to stuff up sometimes. I'm going to pick up a pack of kfc chips in a moment of weakness every now and again. I'll realise I didn't enjoy it all that much and that the calories weren't worth it. I'm going to allow myself not to be perfect - I'm going to accept it and move on. But I'm not going to eat a block of chocolate to make myself feel better for eating chips.
So here we go. I'm not going to make any excuses about water retention or the fact my ringletty hair is almost down to my waist and weighs an awful lot. Today I weigh 67.9 kilograms. That gives me a BMI of 24.9 which means I'm in the healthy bracket by the skin of my teeth. That also gives me plenty of room for improvement on my small frame.
I'm using free website Calorie King to track my weight and progress. It also has useful features to check the calorie and nutrient values of a range of foods (including commercial products). I'll also check in here every week to keep myself accountable. You're welcome to join me.
Check in soon for some low calorie, minimally processed, healthy meal ideas, or offer your own suggestions in the comments.
Related posts:
]]>
photo credit: The Modern Homemaker
Unless you get untied from the sink so that you can trot off in a wool suit to your box on the terrace for every daylight hour and more besides, after which you will glamorously engage in up-to-the-minute witty banter with 40 of your nearest and dearest colleagues who you are dining with again.
You then of course go home, ring your mother and actually listen to what she says, clean the toilet, put the bin out (you're a liberated woman after all), read the paper and a few novels (see the witty banter point above), bake something nice to take to work tomorrow and save at least 15 children from starvation or tractor accidents or something, all while looking hopelessly alluring.
If you're managing all that and vodka isn't a part of your daily routine then I hate you and there is nothing for you here.
Perhaps feminism should go away and focus on the serious stuff, like stopping honour killing and human trafficking and schoolgirls wearing their boyfriends' trackpants. I don't want to be "empowered" to do anything else!
photo credit: Little Sweetie
One of my guilty indulgences is to imagine that I'm a 1950's housewife and I don't need to juggle at all - I would just need to raise perfect kids and keep a spotless house while wearing lovely sticky-outy poofy skirts with poodles on them.
Unfortunately I'm not that great at housekeeping really and if the behaviour of our cats is any indication I'd be a pretty awful parent. I think I could handle the poodles though.
So what has feminism done for me? It has allowed me to do a whole multitude of things all at once and justify being pretty ordinary at all of them.
I have a life full of chaos, contrast and craziness and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Related posts:
]]>